Gender

So, lately I've been thinking about the gender topic of adoption. Mostly, why are girls often preferred and boys usually wait longer for families? I think this was brought on by realizing how many families ahead of us have requested girls. Also, by watching this video and just seeing adoption agencies express their need for families who want to adopt boys.

I had also noticed that when I was looking at the waiting child list for Thailand, I was always more drawn to the girls. We reviewed three files, two girls and one boy. And I always found myself more willing to be open to the girls. I’d look at a profile of a boy and think, that is too old for us, I don’t think we can do that as first time parents. Then I’d look at the profile of a girl that is the same age and think, maybe we could make it work. I’ve also noticed that the majority of the children recently matched on the Thailand waiting list were girls, even though there are far more boys on the list.

Another thing that got me thinking is that when we started the adoption process, I was mostly imagining adopting a girl, but my husband said that when he thought about it, he always pictured adopting a boy. So, I’m wondering if we are naturally more biased towards our own gender. Often when an expecting mother is asked about gender, they will say they want a girl and the dad will say they want a boy. (Not always, but often. Especially if they don’t have any children yet.)

So this led me to the next observation. Usually it is the adoptive mothers that are more heavily involved in the adoption. Most blogs are written by the moms, most networking is done by them and, from reading blogs, often it is the adoptive mom that initiated the idea of adoption. Another thing I’ve seen from hearing people’s adoption stories is that if a child is found on the waiting list, usually it was the adoptive mom who was pouring over the list and brought the child to the attention of the adoptive father.

So, noting my own gender bias, I’m wondering if the primary involvement of the adoptive mothers is driving the preference of girls and the tendency to have a longer wait for waiting boys. To be fair, there are plenty of adoptive moms advocating for adopting boys, but I still keep hearing how there is a continuing need for adoptive families for boys.

I think the other main reason is that girls are seen as more adoptable. I've heard that in Korea, most children adopted domestically are girls because they are seen as easier to adopt. Which leaves most of the boys for international adoption. I think this belief increases as you consider older child adoptions. A seven-year-old girl is just seen as easier than a seven-year-old boy.

  

I know there are good reasons to prefer to adopt a girl, especially if you only have boys. I certainly want at least one of each gender. I hope no one is offended by this post, I was just trying to figure out why this tends to happen.

I am really thankful that we cannot choose gender for this adoption. It is good to know that whether we are referred a boy or a girl, that is God's choice. I don't have to worry about my own bias affecting the process.